Akatsuki Shorts
by xXGothicVampiressXx
Summary: We're making it rated T but each short has it's own rating.Wait tobi stay away boom from the fireworks... We forgot to rate the first one though hehe.
1. Chapter 1

The Akatsuki Oreo Fight

All of the Akatsuki except leader and Itachi were sitting in their living room when Tobi pulled a bag of oreos out of nowhere.

"You bastard! You have oreos!"Kakuzu screamed grabbing Tobi's throat.

Deidara grabbed the bag from Tobi looked at Sasori and said, "Oreos are a true work of art." Sasori looked pissed off.

"Are not!" he said pushing Deidara into a wall. He dropped the bag and tackled Sasori. He punched him in the face. Sasori punched him back. While Sasori and Deidara were fighting, Tobi was lying on the floor only semiconscious, and Kisame grabbed the oreos.

"Mine!"yelled Konan grabbing Kisame's leg. Kisame bashed his face off the table and fell over unconscious.

Konan was about to eat the oreos when Tobi stood up and yelled, "I want my oreos!" Then he started crying. Zetsu got pissed because Tobi was crying.

"**Who has Tobi's oreos!?**" Zetsu yelled in his dark voice. Konan turned and yelled,

"Oh shit!" Zetsu looked where the voice was coming from and started walking toward her. She threw the bag at Kakuzu and yelled, "Catch!" Kakuzu turned around, caught the bag then got tackled by Zetsu. Sasori had pinned Deidara to a wall and silently grabbed the oreos. And Konan silently punched him in the head. Sasori fell over. Tobi stole the oreos from her.

"Give them back!" she shouted at Tobi jumping on him. For a second she thought about punching him then she said, "I've always wondered what you look like without that mask." She turned him over held down his arms with her legs and took off his mask. She gasped.

"Oh dear god that's not even right!"she said falling off him. The scary truth was, Tobi was hot. Konan had a seizure on the floor. The leader walked in cooly stole Tobi's oreos and got himself punched in the face by Zetsu.

"These are Tobi's bastard!" Zetsu yelled at the leader lying in a pile on the floor.

"Son of a bitch!What the fuck Zetsu!? This is my fucking house you know!" screamed the leader standing up to throttle Zetsu. Hidan took the oreos and walked away far away. The other Akatsuki members got pissed followed him to a cliff.

"Shit!"Hidan yelled accidently knocking the oreos off the cliff. "I'm coming oreos!" \he yelled jumping off after them. The others leaned over to watch. Hidan was splattered everywhere.

"Damn! My oreos!"Tobi yelled.

"Holy fuck! Did Tobi just swear?!"everyone but Tobi said in unision. Everyone returned to the hideout, Kakuzu carring Hidan's splattered remains and Sasori carring his totaly pissed head. Itachi walked in with like 60 cases of oreos.

"You, you asshole, un!You come home now, un!"said Deidara taking the bags. And that is why you never take five fucking hours to buy oreos for the entire damn akatsuki!


	2. Author's Best Friend's Note

_**Author's Best Friend's Note: **_

The idiot who writes this story has just moved and has to share a computer with her assholish brother and only has a computer on the week ends and days off. Idiot will be updating her fanfics asap. And unfortunately I cannot read Jen's mind and write the chaps for her. Anndddd I'm not allowed on the phone so much so she really can't tell me what she wants to write. But again ASAP. Sooooo go away now...

_Vicky_

_PS. By the way if you didn't already get it I have full access to this account and I have to update all the fics._


	3. Chapter 2

**Chap Two: Christmas**

_Author's Note: I am so sorry bout not updating!! Forgive me?? Also Sasodei in this chapter._

"Tobi we're not putting up a fuckin' tree!"

"But I want a tree!!"

"Come on, you're gonna make Tobi cry!"Konan said embracing Tobi.

"Konan, no one give's a rat's ass if he cries, un." Tobi whimpered. "SHUT UP IDIOT, HMM!!" Tobi burst into tears. Konan punched Deidara. "Bitch! I think you broke my jaw, un!"

"Too fuckin' bad!"

"Skank!!"

"Manwhore!!"

"Bitch!!"

"Bastard!!"

"Assfuck!!"

"Queer!!"

"You're dating a retard, hmm!!"

"Well, you're dating a man. Happy now?"

"Fine we'll put up a god damn tree,"said Sasori. Everyone groaned except Tobi and Konan. "But, you two can cut the fucking thing down."

When Konan and Tobi got back with a tree everyone else was putting up decorations. "What's this latter doing out here?"Tobi asked. After setting the tree in the house Tobi and Konan went out and took the latter down. After that point everyone stayed inside.

"What the hell, un? Where'd the fucking latter go, hmm?!"Deidara shouted. He looked around and saw two sets of footprints leading to the hideout. "TOBI!!"

"Huh?"Pein muttered.

"What?"

"Did someone just scream 'Tobi'?"

Konan paused setting up the tree. "No, I don't think so."

"Whatever." Sasori was helping Konan put up the tree and Pein was helping Tobi unpack some boxes. Hidan, Kakuzu, and Zetsu were already putting up the unpacked decorations.

"Hey, where'd Dei go?"Sasori asked after finishing the tree. Pein shrugged.

"Haven't seen him."

"IT'S BEEN TWO FUCKING HOURS, UN!" His face was red with cold and his fingers almost purple. All he put on to go put up lights was a coat, which didn't even really fit him. "GOD DAMN IT, UN! I can't even get down cuzza that damn Tobi, hmm. Shit. I can't jump, the latter's gone, un. But _that _might just work, hmm,"

An odd sound, and a lot of dust filled the room. Tobi turned and shouted with joy looking at the fireplace. "SANTA!!"

Once the dust cleared he saw a very irritated Deidara sitting in the fireplace looking quite uncomfortable.

"Two hours, un. I've been stuck up there for two god damned hours, un,"he muttered through gritted teeth. Tobi edged away from Deidara and Sasori walked over to help him out. "Thanks, hmm. But for the love of God I think my ass is frozen, un." Deidara sat down on the couch wrapped thickly in a blanket.

"You're hair is frozen too Dei," Sasori said quietly.

"What? Oh yeah, un,"he said trying to blow a frozen lock out of his face. Sasori brushed it out of his eyes. "Thank you, un," Deidara said blushing slightly. Itachi smirked.

"Just kiss him already!!"Kisame shouted. Sasori's face went as dark as his hair.

"Shut up and go fuck Itachi!!" This time it was Kisame's turn to change color.

"Maybe I will!" Itachi squeaked and ran out of the room.

"GET BACK HERE, ITACHI!!"

"Nice job Sasori! You scarred Itachi for life!" Hidan laughed a glass of sake spiked egg nog in his hand. And thanks to his drunkenness, Hidan gave a little _push _to Sasori (threw Sasori like three feet) at Deidara. That needless to say ended badly, because Sasori and Deidara ended up flying into the wall.

"Okay new rule Hidan is never allowed to drink when no one is watching him to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid!" Pein said trying not to laugh. Konan was dragging Tobi out of the room so he wouldn't see or hear anything else.

Tobi shouted, "I think Deidara-sempai is dead!!"

"No he's not, Tobi! Now come on!!"

--

The next morning...

"Merry Christmas everybody!!"

Surprisingly there were presents around the tree, everyone had gotten (at least) one from their partner. Tobi had two and he tore them both apart. The first one was from Deidara.

"What is it sempaiiiiiii!"

"Oh just look at it, un." Tobi put his face over directly over the box. "Perfect, un." Deidara pushed Tobi's face into a box full of dog shit. Tobi came up shit covered so not even Konan was going to help him, so she beat the shit outta Dei. And of coarse Sasori helped Dei, and it became something similar to a bar fight.

THE END of chapter 2


End file.
